My Father/My Husband

“My Father/My Husband” by David J. Lawless

            David J. Lawless is an author and behavioral expert. In “My Father/My Husband” he describes his wife’s struggle with Alzheimer’s and dementia. The essay is skillfully written almost exclusively in dialogue, allowing the reader to pick up subtleties from subtext. He actually doesn’t reveal to the reader his wife’s exact condition until midway through the essay, when he explains her ailments to a police officer she called in the middle of night, having mistaken her husband for an intruder. However the reader, being educated and aware of the effects of Alzheimer’s can infer that from the very beginning.

            Lawless also uses the rhetorical device of repetition in his dialogue. In the beginning of the narrative he and his wife are enjoying dinner: “‘Is my father coming for dinner?’ she aks./‘No.’ /‘Why not?’/‘Because your father died forty-six years ago.’ He has given this answer several times a day for the past two or three years” (193). The following evening they are having dinner and almost the exact same dialogue ensues: “‘Is my father coming to dinner?’ /‘No.’/ ‘Why not?’/ ‘Because your father died in 1964’” (197).  His wife often asks about her father, where they live, if they are married, if they have children. The repetition allows the reader to see the severity of her Alzheimer’s, but also the repeated tenderness and patience with which her husband replies. He answers her questions routinely.

            While Lawless successfully demonstrates to the reader the affects of Alzheimer’s and dementia on an aging mind, he is also able to accomplish so much more. This is not a story of illness, but one of love. With each interaction the reader can feel the tenderness with which Lawless answers and reassures his wife. For example when the reader reads, “‘I don’t remember. I don’t know what’s wrong. I don’t remember things.’ A tear runs down her cheek. She clings to him./ ‘I know. Don’t worry.’/ ‘I’m losing my memory.’/ ‘Don’t worry.’ He gives her a kiss.” (198) they can feel their heart breaking. Lawless has used dialogue and repetition to weave such a bittersweet narrative with a heartfelt message about love; it’s everlasting.

‘I don’t remember. I don’t know what’s wrong. I don’t remember things.’ A tear runs down her cheek. She clings to him.

 ‘I know. Don’t worry.’

 ‘I’m losing my memory.’

‘Don’t worry.’ He gives her a kiss.” (198)

N.d. Photograph. No Elder Abuse. Nursing Home & Elder Abuse Law Center. Web. 6 Aug. 2013.